Six Months Abroad

America has transformed in 2025. . .so have I

Moving abroad does something to us.

It sharpens us; it remodels us. These changes are not always voluntary. Many of them are a requirement, as life in another country demands some degree of change. This can lead to feelings of culture shock or paralysis for some. And yet, it does not have to. Another option is just to swim with the current, rather than against it. Something magical happens when we stop resisting the flow of life. Here are my reflections as an American expat who has chosen to go with the current. . .

Not everyone can just pick up and move. I’m aware of that. Moving is expensive, and relocating to another country takes planning, commitment, and perhaps a little luck. It can also be emotionally taxing and quite overwhelming. And yet. It can also feel necessary or exciting, and be an incredible catalyst for healing.

Weighing choices

The United States is changing rapidly. Compared to January of this year, it feels like a completely different country. Whether a person views these changes as good or bad is really their personal choice. For myself, I value freedom. I like having options. Moving abroad was an important step to expanding those options—and perhaps create a mechanism of safety. As a trans person, it’s exhausting to see my rights at risk with every election (and lately, in between them too). It felt increasingly difficult to thrive in that kind of instability. I wanted a safe haven (‘safe’ being a relative word—the whole world feels like it’s on fire now). I made emigration a priority, and then it happened. So far, my move has been transformative in ways I didn’t even expect.

Peace

One of the best gifts that came with my move was a greater sense of peace. New Zealand feels so much more peaceful than the U.S. to me.

Ahh, yes—I did say New Zealand, by the way. This is the first time I’m sharing where I moved to. And hopefully, I won’t regret it!

I’ve been in Kiwi Land since January, and when all is said and done, my relocation here was a fairly soft landing. New Zealand just feels different. I swear, even the clouds are just whiter and fluffier here. The entire landscape is serene, but it wasn’t all roses and sunshine. A real sense of shock accompanied my initial excitement. Thoughts of “Oh my God, what have I done?” came to my mind on more than one occasion. To be fair, I think that feeling is quite natural. I’m sure every immigrant experiences this to some degree.

Being new to a country, little things can feel really big. Pumping gas or buying groceries suddenly feels overwhelming. People’s accents initially sound quite confusing, even though they speak English. Then, there is the issue of scale. New Zealand is so much smaller than the U.S.—there are twice as many people in Los Angeles there are Kiwis in the whole country! Plus, there is no Amazon here, it only has one CostCo, and everyone drives on the wrong side of the road!

All these hiccups aside, New Zealand really is this remote island paradise. There are miles upon miles of green, unspoiled nature, and people feel generally much kinder here. These qualities have had a profound effect on my anxiety level. I don’t have anywhere near the level of anxiety I felt back in America. Again, that doesn’t mean that there are not problems. There are just different problems here. And right now, it feels like these problems are a lot more manageable. . .

Piha Beach on a sunny winter’s day, July, 2025.

Increased resilience

Nothing fosters resilience quite like moving abroad. Immediately, one is immersed in new foods, new streets and buildings, new people, and new cultures. Again, it’s time to just swim with the current. Then, the problems start to pop up: a tire goes flat, or you accidentally put diesel gas in your hybrid car (don’t ask). All the sudden, help is needed. And you know virtually no one. Now, it’s time to get creative. Our support systems might still be on speed-dial through WhatsApp or on FaceTime, but they can’t be physically be here. We have to solve our own problems. This is the hardest part of moving abroad. Building a new support circle takes time. And making new friends can be feel quite overwhelming for some people, especially those who are introverted. Consistency really matters here. I’ve shown up in the rain and cold to attend my Sunday run club week after week because I know how important repetition is when it comes to building connection. And repetition really works. Connection happens when we just keep showing up or start getting proactive. I recommend people start with learning the names of the people around them—like the barista at the coffee shop, for instance. Once familiarity is like that is established, connection flows naturally. With time, shared experiences create social bonds, which further support our resilience.

Resilience also thrives when we choose to say “yes” to things. Moving abroad brings with it new invitations and new opportunities. The more of them I’ve said ‘yes’ to, the more I have been pleasantly surprised. There is an entire world of wonder out there. Be open to having fun. And yes, there will be waves of nostalgia sometimes. They will come whenever they want to and some of them might be quite intense. Be sure to love them when they come. And then remember to set them free

Pattern interruption

This is the big one. Moving abroad is the ultimate pattern interrupter. Most of us operate within certain patterns for our entire lifetimes, and often, these patterns are unconscious. Immigrating to another country really exposed my personal strengths and my weaknesses. It also caused me to examine a lot of my patterns—and forced me to confront the ones that were not working. In that sense, this move was one big, messy slice of humble pie. Over the last six months, I reflected a lot on my habits, the places where I’ve been unconscious, the places where I have abandoned myself, and the places where I have abandoned others.

Ouch.

All of this is serious shadow work. It led to some intense ‘dark night of the soul’ moments here in New Zealand. And for the most part, I just allowed it. I made the conscious choice to sit with it, learn from it, and grow from it. Getting into nature really helped. I had such massive epiphanies while cycling the Timber Trail or doing long bush walks in the Kiwi wilderness. In these moments, I saw how my job and the need to make money became an excuse for me to hide behind so that I didn’t have to show up fully in my life. Being a workaholic and a perfectionist were shields I used for years. And beneath these patterns was my own unresolved trauma and the fear of other people getting too close—because I did not want to get hurt again. Awareness is the first step in making change. I am convinced that life requires us to slow down at times and reflect in order to regain our consciousness. Moving abroad, albeit intense at times, certainly gave me that. I am currently on the other side of all of that. And yet, it will always be continuous work. I want to share one thing, though: the work is worth it.

And then there is the pattern of family. Each of us has a family. And our role in that family is also a pattern. Sometimes, that role becomes restrictive or simply stops working. That pattern could continue for a very long time. Having a little separation from our family of origin does have some unexpected benefits. Reflecting from a distance gave me a lot of clarity. And it reminded me that how I show up is a choice. Real change is always possible. It does require action, though, even if it only happens in baby steps.

Photo by Aneta Hartmannová on Unsplash

Increased self-awareness

Ultimately, everything I’ve discussed about moving abroad leads to one important thing: increased self-awareness. I cannot overstate enough what a gift this is. Everyone who’s ever moved abroad has come to understand this. And perhaps more Americans will go down this path too. Growth and understanding truly feel like the meaning of life to me. It makes us better people. It makes us better friends, partners, and neighbors. Six months in New Zealand has reminded me what’s most important to me. It taught me how little I truly need to be happy. It has opened my eyes to where I need to put my attention for the remaining decades of life. In short, making this move has given me the courage to make the changes that really matter.

Conclusion

While not everyone can (or should) move abroad, there is some universal truth in my experience. The world is changing faster than any of us can imagine. And that requires each of us to evolve with it. Now is the best time for each person to take inventory, to align with their highest values, and to take action. The revolution begins with each of us. The world is better when each of us are expanding—in all the best ways possible. I do believe that all those little changes can have a massive cumulative effect. And that’s enough to uplift the entire planet.

In short: change might be hard but staying the same is even harder.

Thanks so much for reading. Beyond the Veil is a reader-supported publication. Please like, share, or become a paid subscriber as you are willing.

And keep an eye out for my next post, when I give an intimate look beyond the veil of work. It’s been a very unique experience to be trans and work for 17 years in the conservative field of anesthesia. There’s a lot to unpack there. Let’s just say it will be a real ‘gas.’

Peace and love, y’all. Until next time!